Author: the Aqyl Mura team
We are not doctors or psychotherapists. We are Aqyl Mura, a brand that makes wooden Montessori learning materials for children. But we wrote this article for a simple reason: too many mothers in Kazakhstan go through the same thing in silence — anxiety that steals sleep. And too often they are told: "just don't think about it."
We want to understand why that doesn't work, what is really behind nighttime anxiety, and what role a tactile experience — like a simple wooden object in your hand — might play in it.
What this article is about — in one sentence
Anxiety during pregnancy is not a character weakness. It's your brain trying to protect you. It just overshot.
37% of pregnant women worldwide experience clinically significant anxiety symptoms (Salari et al., 2024). When sleep deprivation is added to this, anxiety and insomnia lock into a vicious cycle. If you're lying awake deep into the night and your thoughts won't stop — you are not "going crazy." You are in a state that has a physiological explanation.
1. A Voice in the Night: One Real Story
One woman wrote on a parenting forum:
"What do you do when nothing seems to help anymore? Especially at night, the thoughts just won't let me sleep — all sorts of nonsense keeps creeping in. Ladies, share — how does anyone else cope?"
Look closely at these words:
- "nothing seems to help anymore" — not "slightly anxious," but a dead end. Every method has been tried.
- "especially at night" — she's holding it together by day. At night, it falls apart.
- "thoughts won't let me sleep" — the thoughts are actively blocking sleep. They are uninvited.
- "nonsense keeps creeping in" — this is a precise description of intrusive thoughts. You are not thinking them. They "creep in" on their own.
And the last word — "cope." Not "manages." It is a cry for help, spoken in the lightest tone a person can manage.
The essence of deep nighttime anxiety: it is not you thinking about something. It is something thinking you. And you — alone, at three in the morning.
2. Two Frameworks for Understanding Anxiety
Society usually responds to such words in the wrong way. We've mapped the difference between the old model ("something is wrong with you") and the one confirmed by neuroscience.
| Dimension | Old model: character defect | Neuroscience model |
|---|---|---|
| Interpreting anxiety | "You think too much" | Cumulative effect of hormones × sleep deprivation × evolutionary protection |
| Interpreting night thoughts | "You're making things up again" | Result of reduced prefrontal cortex control under sleep deprivation |
| What the woman feels | "Something is wrong with me" | "My brain is trying to protect me, but overdid it" |
| Advice given | "Just don't think" | Strategies for working with body and mind |
| Social context | "You're a mother now — be strong" | "37% of pregnant women go through this. You are not alone." |
3. Why "Just Don't Think" Is an Impossible Command
Research shows a direct connection: poor sleep quality intensifies irritability and anxiety (Tomaso et al., 2024). When a woman is chronically sleep-deprived, the brain area responsible for emotional control — the prefrontal cortex — stops coping precisely when it's needed most.
The advice "just don't think" in this situation is the same as saying "just don't be tired."
The Vicious Cycle of Anxiety and Insomnia
Anxiety → can't fall asleep → sleep deprivation weakens brain control → more intrusive thoughts → stronger anxiety → even less sleep.
This is not a willpower problem. It is a physiological trap: hormones, sleep deprivation, and intrusive thoughts block the exit from three sides simultaneously.
By the third trimester, up to 80% of pregnant women report insomnia symptoms (Cleveland Clinic). A 2025 study in Nature confirms: insomnia and anxiety reinforce each other bidirectionally — this is not coincidence, but a stable pattern.
4. Why Touch Works When Words Don't
Among all the senses, touch reaches the emotional centers of the brain fastest. Tactile signals travel directly to the insular cortex — an area linked to emotional awareness — bypassing the "thinking" part of the brain (McGlone et al., 2014).
This is the key difference between touch and words. Words need to be processed, interpreted, responded to. Touch goes directly.
Why wood specifically?
Maria Montessori chose natural materials for her first learning tools not for aesthetic reasons. Wood gives a child layered sensory information: texture, temperature change, weight. Plastic is uniform and does not offer this information.
For an adult — especially a woman in a state of anxiety — a wooden object works by the same principle. It requires no interpretation. It simply is: warm, weighted, real. This is a signal to the nervous system: "There is not only thoughts here. There is a real world. Right now."
Donald Winnicott wrote in 1953 about the "transitional object" — a tangible thing that helps an infant calm down. We believe that a mother in a state of deep nighttime anxiety needs such an object herself. Not a big solution. But a minimal anchor that says: tomorrow will come.
5. What Aqyl Mura Can Do for This Reality
We make wooden Montessori learning materials from European beech. Our rattle doesn't sing, doesn't light up, and makes no sound — unless you shake it.
We are not claiming it treats anxiety. That would be untrue.
But here is what we know: when a woman at three in the morning reaches out and touches a quiet, warm, textured object — the very one her baby will grab and shake tomorrow morning — that touch works not as a "distraction" but as a tactile anchor in the present moment. Thoughts are in the future, in uncertainty. Wood is here and now.
| Characteristic | Plastic toy | Aqyl Mura wooden material |
|---|---|---|
| Sensory experience | Uniform smoothness | Texture, warmth, weight |
| Sound | Active, often harsh | Quiet — only when touched |
| Interaction | Entertains the child | Waits for the child to create action |
| For the mother | Indifferent object | Tactile anchor — the feeling of "now" |
We create objects that ask nothing in return. They simply rest on the changing table — and by their very presence remind: the real world exists. Tomorrow will come. The baby will wake up.
6. Three Levels of Action: From Emergency Night to Long-Term Resilience
🟢 Level 1: Urgent (3 AM, nothing is helping)
Step one: acknowledge — don't fight.
Tell yourself: "This is not me thinking. This is sleep deprivation and hormones producing thoughts for me." Research shows that perceiving thoughts as events produced by the brain — rather than facts — is more effective than trying to suppress them.
Step two: tactile anchor.
Reach out and touch something real. The wooden rattle on the changing table. The edge of a fabric. A piece of wood. Hold it. Feel the temperature, texture, weight. No need to "think." Just feel.
This is not distraction. It is a more concrete bodily signal than thoughts. Thoughts are abstract — wood is specific.
Step three: one breath.
If you can't count your breathing — take just one. Full inhale, gentle exhale twice as long. Once is enough. This is a signal to the nervous system: "There is no emergency threat."
🟡 Level 2: Daily Maintenance
| Action | Minimum version |
|---|---|
| Protecting darkness | No phone 60 minutes before bed |
| Tactile reserve | Place an object pleasant to the touch in the bedroom — not for use, just for it to be nearby |
| Anxiety container | 30 minutes before bed, write down what you're anxious about. Close the notebook: "These things will wait until tomorrow" |
| Micro-solitude | 15 minutes behind a closed door. Partner handles everything |
| Information detox | Unfollow accounts that make you feel "not good enough" |
🔵 Level 3: Long-Term Inner Dialogue Restructuring
| Old dialogue | New dialogue |
|---|---|
| "Why do I keep thinking about nonsense?" | "With sleep deprivation, intrusive thoughts are a normal output of brain function, not a sign of danger" |
| "Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mother?" | "Hypervigilance is the physiology of motherhood. It needs to be calibrated, not suppressed" |
| "Other pregnant women are calm — why can't I be?" | "37% are going through the same thing. Social media only shows the facade" |
| "I have to drive this thought away" | "I see this thought. It is just a thought, not a command" |
| "What if I can't sleep tonight again?" | "Even if there's insomnia — tomorrow I will wake up. And so will the baby" |
7. Frequently Asked Questions
Q1: Can anxiety during pregnancy harm the baby?
Severe, prolonged, and untreated anxiety is associated with some risks to a child's emotional development (Aktar et al., 2023). But the key word is "untreated." Seeking support — whether CBT, mindfulness, or social assistance — is itself a protective factor. Anxiety is not the danger. Carrying it alone is.
Q2: What to do when absolutely nothing helps?
First, you've already taken the first step — you acknowledged it and put it into words. When cognitive strategies temporarily fail — return to the body level. Find something quiet and real, touch it. If you can — get up, drink half a glass of warm water, sit for five minutes in another room. No need to "think anything through." Give the nervous system one signal: "The real world is still here."
Q3: Will this anxiety stay for life?
Worry about your child doesn't disappear after birth — it transforms. If during pregnancy you learn to recognize your anxiety signals and build recovery strategies, anxiety won't disappear entirely, but you'll gain the ability to regulate its volume. As Winnicott said: a mother doesn't need to be perfect — she needs to be "good enough."
Q4: How to tell if professional help is needed?
- Mild: After one or two nights of normal sleep and partner support, anxiety noticeably decreases → continue the strategies in this article.
- Moderate: Anxiety persists for more than 2 weeks and affects daily life → consider CBT.
- Severe: Panic attacks, inability to sleep for more than 48 hours, thoughts of harming yourself or the baby → seek professional help immediately.
Perinatal mental health conditions are treatable. WHO emphasizes: effective help can be provided even by a specially trained non-medical worker.
Q5: I'm a partner or family member. How can I help?
Three things:
- Replace "just don't think" with: "What's going through your head right now? I can listen."
- Give something concrete "right now." Not advice — an object. A cup of water. A quiet wooden object for the future baby: "This is for the baby later. For now let it sit by your bed."
- Give 15 minutes behind a closed door. You handle everything.
Q6: Why is a wooden rattle relevant here — is this not just marketing?
Yes, Aqyl Mura makes wooden toys. But wood as a tactile material was not chosen by us — it was chosen by neurophysiology and Montessori pedagogy long before us. Wood provides layered sensory information: weight, texture, temperature change. For an infant, this builds a realistic sensory picture of the world. For a mother — it opens a forgotten channel of perception in a moment when words don't work. We don't want to sell a rattle as a cure for anxiety. We want you to know: at three in the morning, there is something real you can reach for.
8. Key Takeaways
- Anxiety during pregnancy is not a defect. 37% of women go through this.
- "Just don't think" is an impossible command. A sleep-deprived brain doesn't have the resources for it.
- Insomnia and anxiety form a vicious cycle — this is physiology, not your fault.
- Touching a warm, textured object can give the nervous system a "now" signal, bypassing anxious thoughts.
- Severe anxiety requires professional help — this is not weakness, it is responsible action.
- Aqyl Mura creates quiet, warm wooden objects that stay nearby — for the baby and for the mother.
Aqyl Mura: Conclusion
We are not a clinic and not a substitute for professional support. We simply create objects that don't make noise, don't flash, and ask nothing in return.
Our rattle rests on the changing table. It won't put you to sleep. But it is proof that tomorrow will come.
References
- Salari, N. et al. (2024). Global prevalence of depression, anxiety, and stress in pregnancy. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 180, 361–372.
- Tomaso, C.C. et al. (2024). Sleep quality and irritability. BMC Psychology, 12, Article 103.
- McGlone, F., Wessberg, J., & Olausson, H. (2014). Discriminative and affective touch. Neuron, 82(4), 737–755.
- Winnicott, D.W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 34(2), 89–97.
- Aktar, E. et al. (2023). Parental anxiety and offspring development. Journal of Affective Disorders, 327, 64–78.
- Cleveland Clinic. Pregnancy Insomnia.
- WHO. Perinatal Mental Health.
- Nature (2025). Sleep disruption and perinatal anxiety. Nature Mental Health.
- Montessori, M. (1949). The Absorbent Mind.
- Hayes, S.C. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life.